Prank Calls to Olympus
by Aprilicity
Summary: Just another reason to ban demigods from using cellphones. One shot.


**Just a funny little one shot that I wrote to amuse myself. I think had a little too much fun writing this. Enjoy!**

* * *

_Prank Calls to Olympus_

**_Disclaimer: The sun will always rise, the sun will always set, and I will always _****_not_****_ own the PJO/HOO series._**

"It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one."

-Rick Riordan, _The Last Olympian_

* * *

The phone rang.

It rang with the same annoying ring tone that Hermes had been listening to for the past five weeks.

The God of Travellers glared at the phone, wishing that it would melt into a puddle of goo. No such luck. Sighing, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Is this Hermes?" a female voice spoke.

_Who else could it be? Who else was put on secretary duty for the next five centuries?_

"Yes, and who might this be?"

"This is Persephone."

Hermes bit back a groan. The Queen of the Underworld was one of the most frequent callers. Complaining about everything from a leaky ceiling to poor Iris message receptions.

"I'm calling about that recent landslide,"

_Here we go._

"It's caused several deaths, much more than we can handle, I'm afraid."

Hermes glanced at the Underworld's death log. The landslide had only killed two people. Brothers. He rolled his eyes. He doubted that two boys alone could overcrowd the Underworld. That Persephone had a reputation for making mountains out of anthills.

"The Underworld is becoming awfully crowded, and-"

"Yes, Ma'm, I'll see what I can do about it." Hermes said, hoping to end the call.

But Persephone went on.

"It was caused by that earthquake, wasn't it?"

_Oh, boy. Another request._

"So I'd like to have an audience with Poseidon. When is the next spot available?"

"Please wait a moment, Ma'am."

Hermes opened a thick dark blue notebook. He picked up the receiver again.

"The next available appointment is August 8, 3004 from 8 AM to 9. Would you like me to book it for you, Ma'am?"

"That long? Can I please have it earlier? How about next week?"

"No, Ma'am, I'm afraid not, there are strict rules that-"

"I'm sure that he'll make special arrangements for an important goddess like me."

_I highly doubt it. _Hermes picked up a sheet of paper and crumpled it against the phone.

"...what...oing...im..." Persephone's now muffled voice said.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am but the signal is breaking up," Hermes terminated the call.

_Finally. Peace and quiet._

Hermes reclined in his chair and closed his eyes.

Then the phone rang again.

It took all of Hermes' willpower not to throw the phone out of the window. _It better not be Persephone again._

"Yes?!"

"Hello, I'd like to order a large pizza with extra cheese."

"What? I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong-"

"And an extra large fries while you're at it. How about drinks? Do you sell drinks?"

"I-"

"I'll have a Coke then. How long will the order take?"

"Who-"

"Okay, thanks!"

Hermes could have sworn that he had heard snickering before the call ended. The god was baffled. Was that a mortal? And how did he get Olympus' number?

The phone rang once more.

Hermes stared at it, unsure of what to do. So he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hermes, my man!" boomed a voice.

"Er, how may I help you?"

"How about you come down here for a couple of drinks, eh?"

"W-what?"

"Great! See you!"

The messenger of the gods was now both very confused and very frustrated. Goodness knows what drove him to pick up the phone when it rang again.

"What is it?!"

"Hermes!" a high pitched voice said.

"Do I know you?"

"Oh my Zeus! Did you like, get the latest dirt on Hera lately?"

Hermes gulped. The Queen of the Gods would be very, very mad if she got the idea that Hermes was gossiping about her.

"Look, I don't know who the Hades you are, but-"

"I heard that she turned Zeus' latest girlfriend into a _horse! _Can you even _believe _that?"

"R-really? I mean, uh, please-"

"I'd love to stay and chat, sweetie, but I've got to go do my nails!"

Hermes felt like picking up a chair and hurling it out the window. But the phone rang again, and Hermes couldn't take the chance. What if it really was a god this time? He picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

Hermes raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"What is it?" the person on the other side of the phone repeated.

"Stop this nonsense!"

"Stop this nonsense!"

"Go away, I'm busy!"

"Go away, I'm busy!"

Hermes glowered at the phone. This person wanted to play games? Fine then.

"I am a stupid little idiot and you are the coolest person in the world."

"Got that right!"

Hermes slammed the phone down. It started to ring again. Oh, he would show these little punks what he was made of...

"WHAT THE HADES DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!"

There was silence on the other end. Hermes gave a smug smile.

"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I HAVE A LIFE TOO? OF COURSE NOT! YOU'RE TOO INCONSIDERATE TO UNDERSTAND THAT OTHERS HAVE FEELINGS TOO! WELL DAMN YOU ALL!"

"Excuse me?" Persephone's voice said.

Hermes gulped.

He hated his life.

* * *

Seven young demigods sat in a circle around a small blue cellphone. They were laughing.

"We should really do that again!" Hazel giggled.

"Who can we call next?" Percy grinned.

"Hey, doesn't the Underworld have a hotline?" Piper said.

"Yeah!" Leo's eyes lit up.

He grabbed the phone and began to dial.

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


End file.
